3 may. 2017

Thoughts of a Young Girl in Love: Thought #6

Why are you mad at me? What have I done? I don’t understand sometimes, and I try real hard. It’s so frustrating, so infuriating.
I got to know you well in this time, and I think I know why you’re mad. I think you’re not mad at me, I think you’re angry at yourself. You’ve probably done something that’s bothering you. But I can’t help if you don’t tell me what the heck that is.
So, no, we’re not married, you don’t owe me any loyalty or anything. You can do whatever you want to and make out with every girl in this damn whole city if that’s what you wish. I really won’t get mad as long as I know I am the only girl you do care about.
You have no idea how much I hate myself right now. Writing this feels like saying what we have is sickening, and maybe it is, but I don’t see it like that. I love you, I really do. And that is enough for me. So, quit feeling regrets, that’s the last thing I wanted you to feel. You’re a bird, and I’m a cage, and you’ve finally realized you’re locked and are struggling to get out. You need your freedom, and that’s exactly what I’ll give you.
But before, just so we are clear, I need you to know this. I am the one at fault here. I’m the one causing the damage. I’m the one that’s doing things wrong. You shouldn’t feel as trapped as you do, that’s not how it works. It is my fault, and only mine. You knew something like this would happen, and so did I. But I still decided it was worth trying, not really caring who it may hurt in the process. And maybe, just maybe, I hurt too many people because of my selfishness, but I only care if I hurt you. I don’t want you to feel bad. Love is a beautiful feeling, but it usually gets in the way of things.
Besides, we are so different. Our worlds are thousands of miles apart, and still we built our bridges to cross to the other side. That’s pretty hard work, isn’t it? Then, be happy you met me, be glad you got to know the real me, be pleased that you got to know me better than anyone, be proud that I showed you my naked soul. Don’t look back with remorse, because everything that turned out wrong was because of my not being able to adapt when I was asking you to do exactly that.
Moreover, why not put the cards on the table now? Why me? From all the pretty girls that line up just so they can be with you, you chose me. Yeah, me; this little plain invisible silly girl. I’ve fallen so hard for you, my love. It’s awesome to be next to you. It’s just so incredibly wonderful. I knew I couldn’t keep you forever; I was only trying to make the dream last a little bit longer. I love you; I’m going to repeat that a thousand times. I need you to know. Not to make you feel horrible or anything, just because that’s something that matters to me. So if I can get you to know, and understand, and see that feeling, I will be able to sleep at night and smile by day.

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Thanks for reading, though I wanna be thankful too. Be respectful in your comments, don't make anyone visit their particular corner in hell.